So y'all wanna dig deep for a second and get really honest and personal. I am 32 years old, and I started to love who I am, when I turned 30. That was the beginning of a very long and trying transition. I had my son at 29 years old, that shifted my world. When I turned 30 something switched for me. I would hear other women say, when you hit 30 something changes. I would always think like, yea sure. But I think my shift was a combination of being a new mom, and having extreme fear of losing who I was in my role as wife and mom.
So after working through my postpartum, finding some motivation, and pulling myself together after the devastation of becoming a mom. (J/k but not really.) I started to focus on me, what I wanted for myself, and what type of woman I wanted to be. So over the last 2 years I have truly done some inner work, honed in on what I needed in my life to be happy, and started loving myself.
But it was a journey, and still is. I still struggle, however, I am so far from where I was. And ultimately for me, I started to get tired of hustling for my worthiness. I was over it. And I didn't want to do it anymore.
Hustle: to obtain by forceful action or persuasion.
Now listen I wasn't out here forcefully getting people to tell me my worth, but I dang sure felt like I walked around in an attempt to persuade people into telling me that I was enough. While engaging in behaviors seeking love and worth I didn't know at the time that I was hustling for my worth, but I knew I wanted to be seen so bad, I wanted to be valued so bad, I wanted to feel enough so badly.
And not just in my relationships, I am talking even with work. I always wanted to go above and beyond for whatever position I was in or company I worked for. I naturally have a strong work ethics, but I wanted to be recognized so badly, because that would mean that I was enough, that I was valued, and loved. But I grew weary of having to hustle every day, walking through life searching for someone or something to validate me. I soon learned that instead of looking outward I had to turn inward.
I think a lot of us do that, we seek validation from outside sources and people, when we should be turning inward and seeking it from ourselves. When you don't do the inside work, you will forever be hustling for your worthiness. I mean in every relationship, friendship, kinship, and even work you'll find yourself trying to figure out if people like you, if they appreciate you, if they value what you have to say., etc, etc, etc. Don't even get me started on social media, and the effects it can have on how you feel about yourself.
So, how the heck did I get to the point I am at now. I don't have it all the way together, but I am so much further than where I was. So I wouldn't be me, if didn't first mention the important of therapy & how that can help you work through the root of the need for the validation and worth in the first place.
Y'all...we gotta heal those traumas!
But along with that, I started loving on me. I wrote down the woman I wanted to be. The vision I had for my life, my marriage, my career, and in relationships. From there I started working towards that. I wanted to be more intentional. But I had to be intentional with myself.
That including me speaking kindly to myself. Me choosing to focus on my qualities and not my flaws. Digging deeper into what makes me happy, and removing any thing, and anyone that makes me feel less than. I mean from curating my timeline to accounts that encourage me, and hype me all the way up, to stepping back from friendships, and acquaintances that made me feel the opposite.
I started communicating more, voicing what I needed, expressing what hurt me, and speaking up for myself! My words and feelings mattered, just like the people I sought validation and worth from.
I just started loving on me. Whatever that felt like for me in the moment. From buying plants, and nurturing their growth, in hopes that I am also manifesting my own growth in watering myself.
I set boundaries for myself! If I didn't want to do something, I was going to say no.
I started listening to myself.
How did I want people to listen to me, and I wouldn't even listen to my damn self?
So your journey may look different from mines, and that's okay. First lesson in loving yourself...stop comparing. Just grow.
Until next time...
Believe in yourself!
Trust your instincts!
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