Lets chat about leveling up...
So...recently I have been having this intense feeling that I need to "get healthy", or I needed to get better at taking care of myself. Now... I don't know where the hell that feeling came from, or why it was bothering me, but it had been sitting in my spirit for a while.
I couldn't shake it.
And for the most part I would ignore it, because honestly speaking...I don't eat horribly, and I exercise a little more than the average person. I ain't hitting the gym 3-4x a week, but...comma, I will take me a nice run around the neighborhood, or do my new obsession hip -hop step routines, with the little step thing...Yall I am a beginner but it so much fun...I'll share a post one day.
Anywhoo...I just didn't understand why the hell I kept feeling like I needed to get better at being healthy & creating routines. That's when everything hit me.
The other day, in-between clients I was saying aloud what has been running in my brain because I was trying to figure out why... and I literally said,
"Okay, so I need to get rid of the snacks in the house & do a 30 day detoxification." I continued, "I'll increase my exercise & be more consistent, I will not drink alcohol for the next 30 days, I will stop taking my birth control (that's a totally different post, but I had a change in birth control and it legit f'd me up...), I will create me some routines." And then the light bulb turned on.
I don't have routines! I am not disciplined! Like... I have no discipline in my life...like at all. Even when I tried to set them in the past, I would slip up one day, or I will rationalize a reason to step out of the routine & I will abandon it & never start back. Discipline.
God is trying to lead me to discipline.
I hate that word, when I think of discipline, all I hear is that you about to tell me some shit I can't have or can't do. And I don't like to be told what I can or cannot have or what I cannot do. Like who the hell are you?!
So, that has been my relationship with discipline and I hate to admit that.
But I have to be honest with myself.
And I know you trying to figure out what does any of this have to do with leveling up.
Glad you asked...heres the message.
What does leveling up requires? It requires you to be prepared for that level, it requires you to have the capacity to maintain that level, & have the motivation and what....DISCIPLINE to stay the course despite not seeing instant results, you must have the discipline to do the work.
That requires routines and processes. It all goes together.
I have been personally working towards an ultimate goal. As an entrepreneur & creative I want to take my brand far, I want to change lives, I want to be a voice in my community of healing & wholeness. In my Homegirl way. But, if I am not at my 100% potential... how am I going to be able to handle the thing that I am asking God for.
I have to get disciplined with what I have now, before he will even think to bless me with the things I desire to have. That was my aha moment. I am at the brink of my breakthrough and I am over here playing...stalling...procrastinating...and not betting on myself. It's like right now God is telling me that...it's waiting for you. But you aren't ready for it. I need you to be ready for it. I need you to already have a routine in place for yourself, because where you are going...REQUIRES routine & it REQUIRES discipline.
There is no way around it sis.
So guess what....
I have to figure this out like right now.
Because if not...
I'm going to fumble the bag
And who the hell wants to do that.
This your cue to get it together.
See ya at the top.
I hear often from people that they feel like therapy doesn't work for them, sometimes I get a reason, sometimes I don't. This could be from individuals who are currently in therapy, some who have been to therapy before and had bad experiences, and some who have never set foot in a therapists office and still has opinions about it not working. So I wanted to drop a few reasons on why therapy just may not be working for you.
Reason 1: The therapist you have chosen may not be a good fit for you.
Here's the thing, not all therapist are the same, not all therapist will be a good fit for you for a number of reasons. Your personality may not work well with the therapist that you choose. You can luck up and on the first try find a great therapist thats a good fit for you. Or if you are like myself, you may go through 3 therapist before finding the one that works well for you. And for me, it wasn't necessarily the personalities of the therapist, but it was their therapeutic approach that just didn't work well for me.
Leading me to Reason #2: the therapist therapeutic approach doesn't work well with the reason you are seeking counseling in the first place. This can be tricky to understand just because as a client, you may not be aware of what therapeutic approaches even are. So here is a simple idea:
-Say your thoughts are getting in the way of you doing what you desire to do, or change in your life. You may want to find a therapist who does Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) they work with you thinking patterns and thought processes. Some example of issues that work well for this type of therapy are: anger management, anxiety, depression, substance abuse, breaking habits, & mood swings just to name a few.
-Maybe you just want to focus on the present, and solve specific problems and not necessarily go deep into childhood issues. Maybe you have specific goals you want to achieve. Then you may need a solution focused therapist/reality therapist who will solely focus on assisting you in solving the problem.
-Or you may want to work on family issues, and not just you. You may want to find a therapist who has a family systems background who can work on the unit as a whole.
There are many other therapeutic orientations out there, and it may require you to do some research or when you make contact with therapist you like, inquire about their therapeutic orientation and see if it resonates with you. Don't be afraid to ask questions!
Reason 3: you just ain't doing the work in-between your sessions.
Listen, there is only so much we can do in sessions in the allotted 50-60 minutes. Therapy may feel like it's not working because you aren't utilizing the tools and new perspectives that you learn in therapy in your day to day life. As therapist we can only do so much.
We aren't wizards and we can't work any magic, when you don't do the work. I personally assign homework often, (especially when I remember, I am still working on that). Anywhoo, I assign homework because it can help lift clients moods, help them practice and master the skills that are developed in session and in turn can help clients see changes in their life, due to doing the work between sessions. You must do the work in order to see progress.
Reason 4: You are inconsistent with scheduling your sessions
This is important, if you have a number of presenting issues, or dealing with serious mental illnesses having inconsistent sessions will stifle your growth and progression in therapy. Coming once a month or every other month starting out typically doesn't work. We have a set amount of time in session, and attending inconsistently doesn't help your treatment, because during those inconsistent sessions we spend most of the time "catching up", and not actually doing the work.
Granted, I have some one a month clients, but that was a mutual decision for both myself and the client, and they made great progress working through their presenting issues, by attending consistently, and now just need maintenance. Frequency of sessions are up to you as a client, because you have to take into account your finances, your time, etc. But discuss those concerns with your therapist, and see if there are any other options. Because at the end of the day your healing should be priority.
Reason 5: You in therapy lying to your therapist
So here's the thing, you cannot be in therapy lying to your therapist. It doesn't benefit you whatsoever. Us therapist work really hard at creating a space that is compassionate and judgment free. When you deceive and omit information to your therapist it prevents success in therapy. Typically, when a client lies in therapy they are ashamed of their behaviors, maybe what has happened to them, or they are fearful of what could be said. But as a therapist I am here to tell you, nothing you can say can shock your therapist, and the whole goal of therapist is to make you feel better about yourself, and to make changes so that you can heal, and live the life you want to live.
And fun fact: usually we as therapist know when you are lying, we are trained to pick up on changes in body language, tone, facial expressions, silence, hesitations etc. Sometime with our line of questions we are able to realize that there is something missing in the story, or something just simply doesn't make sense, and that's an indicator for us that you are omitting information. The best thing you can do is be honest with your therapist. Therapy is your safe space.
So before you knock therapy for it not working, you must ask yourself are you doing the necessary work to make therapy work for you. Us therapist can only do so much, we aren't miracle workers, and we aren't just fixers, you have to be ready to be uncomfortable, to do the work outside of the sessions, and do what you need to do in order to find the right therapist. Most therapist have a free 10-15 minute consultation that you can schedule to ask questions, get a vibe for that therapist, and choose the therapist that resonate with you the most.
If you need assistance with finding a therapist...I have a printable available for you to download and print that will give you steps in finding a therapist.
And as always, you can always reach out via email, or social media with any questions regarding anything. Know I am always rooting for you!
Moving from Pain to Possibility
A lot of us walk around with what I call a "pain filter".
Here's my definition of "pain filter": because you have experienced some sort of pain, hurt, heartache, or disappointment, you filter every single persons words, actions, behaviors & intentions through YOUR pain perspective, causing you to create inaccurate narratives in your mind, taking things too personally, and blowing small things way out of proportion, causing you to respond in a way that is not appropriate to what actually happened.
Example: You call bae, bae doesn't answer the phone the first time you called. In turn, you blow up their line, send long ass paragraphs for text messages that you know they aren't going to read. Then you go home, and you throw all of their clothes over the balcony.
That is a true definition of emotional dysregulation, a term used in therapy: basically the crime doesn't match the consequence. Heres the legit definition of emotional dysregulation: "emotional responses that are poorly modulated and do not lie within the accepted range of emotive response."
When you are functioning in a state of pain, without attempting to discover the root of that pain, you walk around self-sabotaging, and low key constantly playing the victim. You constantly feel like people are out to hurt you, or treat with malice and have specific intentions to make life difficult for you. And the thing is....that is simply not true MOST of the time. Honestly, ain't nobody worried about you.
When you are functioning in a state of pain, you cannot see any possibility of anything changing in your life. You hold on so tightly to that pain, that it takes up space internally, not allowing room for the good things to seep through and take over.
When you are functioning in a state of pain you complain and try nothing to get rid of the pain, or fix the pain. You blame everyone around you, you don't hold yourself accountable, and you react rather than respond to triggers, discomfort, or anxiety.
So the first steps in dealing with your pain, is recognizing that you are seeing life through a "pain filter", and use resources that can assist you in healing from said pain, (i.e. therapy, meditation, church etc.) (whatever you believe will work for you, do that, and God is a bomb resource, but he also created some folk with a little razzle dazzle and a license to help you out. USE THEM) I'll be waiting on you....
Secondly, recognize how you have been playing victim or self-sabotaging, understand those behaviors and be accountable for your actions during those situations. This is really important for you to do, because when you are able to identify those behaviors, you are able to recognize them in the future so that you can catch yourself from trippin. Remember you must stop and ask yourself...
Lastly, begin to shift that "pain filter" to a filter of possibility. Learn to reframe your perspective and instead of seeing your pain as a pain in the ass, use your pain as a source of strength, and one that has shaped who you were as a person.
Example, say in your childhood you had an absent parent, which caused you a lot of heartache and pain growing up and the pain from that has shown up in your adulthood. While you can spend your waking hours being angry or resentful what good does that do, even though you have the right to feel that way. But what if you look at that experience as something that helped you be more grateful for the loved ones in your life, or that you wouldn't be the bomb mom or dad to your own children if it wasn't for the experience of having an absence of a parent.
That's not to say that reframing is the easiest to achieve, but it is definitely possible. Changing your perspective of pain doesn't dismiss or take away from what happened to you. However, moving into a "possibility filter" can help you break out of the toxic cycles you find yourself in, and allow you to see that things can be better for you. To see the possibility of being a better version of yourself, and creating the life you want to live.
Pain is going to continue to happen yall, it won't stop so you should work at getting comfortable with it. Work at shifting from pain to possibility and that will then lead you to your purpose.
But one thing at a time.
As always you got this...
just start by starting.
How I practice gratitude.
We live in a world that requires us to crave after someone else life, the things they have, the people they hang out with. Social media gives us this perception that what we have going on in life doesn't amount to what they have because they photograph the perfect vacation, relationship, cars, and designer clothes & shoes. We know that social media is a highlight reel, but it doesn't stop us from wishing we were where they are. I mean those of us who want to be honest.
But I have been practicing intentional gratitude for the past few weeks and I realize that it all starts with the mindset. I never noticed how often I complained to myself, or even out loud to my husband. Whether its a small complaint, or a much larger one, I was doing it a lot. From how tired I was, to not wanting to drive in the rain, to wishing I was further along in my business, to complaining about some part of my body.
So I started to be intentional with my thinking. Any time I had a complaint I would instantly replace it with something. Sometimes, something so simple. I can recall being super tired heading into the office one morning. Instead of saying how tired I was, I said, "I am thankful that there are people who trust me enough to spend there time and their money to help them with their healing."I remember being irritated with the rain, and I said, "thank you for the rain, the foundation of my house needs it." I remember being irritated that my son was so energetic and I was so tired, but I told myself, "I am thankful for having a healthy son, no matter how crazy I think he is sometimes."
The whole idea of gratitude is focusing more on whats there, instead of what is not. Step back, look at your life and recognize what you have, how far you've come, and embrace that. Allow your eyes to always look for the "love" in your life. Seek out the beauty in life, from the way the trees change color in the fall, to how the sun beams on your skin as you walk down the street. Appreciating that running car in the parking lot, the warm house you walk into at the end of the day. Appreciate the annoying friend that checks on you even when you don't want them too. I know the job is annoying as hell, but you have one right?
Start small: start reframing your thinking. Acknowledge the goodness in life and embrace it.
So how exactly does gratitude help?
Simply put, it helps shift your focus. When you put gratitude into play you are deliberately looking at the good in each situation that shifts the focus from the bad to the good. It helps improve your quality of life by allowing you to develop a more positive outlook on life.
When you are focused on the positive you eliminate any room for unnecessary drama, people, or negative energy. Cause you are always focused on your gratitude drip.
So lets put this into practice here are a few things you can do this week.
Purchase a gratitude journal! Here are a few of my favs: all of which can be found on amazon. But honestly find one that tickles your fancy.
Each day look at your life and start by being grateful for only one thing that happened each day. After a while you'll come up with a list of things to be grateful for. Not so hard now is it?
Now it's up to you to keep it going! And just take it one day, one moment, one step at a time.
We aren't perfect, and there are some days that I fall off my square of gratitude, but when I realize it, I just get back on my square and start over!
Hustling for my Worthiness.
So y'all wanna dig deep for a second and get really honest and personal. I am 32 years old, and I started to love who I am, when I turned 30. That was the beginning of a very long and trying transition. I had my son at 29 years old, that shifted my world. When I turned 30 something switched for me. I would hear other women say, when you hit 30 something changes. I would always think like, yea sure. But I think my shift was a combination of being a new mom, and having extreme fear of losing who I was in my role as wife and mom.
So after working through my postpartum, finding some motivation, and pulling myself together after the devastation of becoming a mom. (J/k but not really.) I started to focus on me, what I wanted for myself, and what type of woman I wanted to be. So over the last 2 years I have truly done some inner work, honed in on what I needed in my life to be happy, and started loving myself.
But it was a journey, and still is. I still struggle, however, I am so far from where I was. And ultimately for me, I started to get tired of hustling for my worthiness. I was over it. And I didn't want to do it anymore.
Hustle: to obtain by forceful action or persuasion.
Now listen I wasn't out here forcefully getting people to tell me my worth, but I dang sure felt like I walked around in an attempt to persuade people into telling me that I was enough. While engaging in behaviors seeking love and worth I didn't know at the time that I was hustling for my worth, but I knew I wanted to be seen so bad, I wanted to be valued so bad, I wanted to feel enough so badly.
And not just in my relationships, I am talking even with work. I always wanted to go above and beyond for whatever position I was in or company I worked for. I naturally have a strong work ethics, but I wanted to be recognized so badly, because that would mean that I was enough, that I was valued, and loved. But I grew weary of having to hustle every day, walking through life searching for someone or something to validate me. I soon learned that instead of looking outward I had to turn inward.
I think a lot of us do that, we seek validation from outside sources and people, when we should be turning inward and seeking it from ourselves. When you don't do the inside work, you will forever be hustling for your worthiness. I mean in every relationship, friendship, kinship, and even work you'll find yourself trying to figure out if people like you, if they appreciate you, if they value what you have to say., etc, etc, etc. Don't even get me started on social media, and the effects it can have on how you feel about yourself.
So, how the heck did I get to the point I am at now. I don't have it all the way together, but I am so much further than where I was. So I wouldn't be me, if didn't first mention the important of therapy & how that can help you work through the root of the need for the validation and worth in the first place.
Y'all...we gotta heal those traumas!
But along with that, I started loving on me. I wrote down the woman I wanted to be. The vision I had for my life, my marriage, my career, and in relationships. From there I started working towards that. I wanted to be more intentional. But I had to be intentional with myself.
That including me speaking kindly to myself. Me choosing to focus on my qualities and not my flaws. Digging deeper into what makes me happy, and removing any thing, and anyone that makes me feel less than. I mean from curating my timeline to accounts that encourage me, and hype me all the way up, to stepping back from friendships, and acquaintances that made me feel the opposite.
I started communicating more, voicing what I needed, expressing what hurt me, and speaking up for myself! My words and feelings mattered, just like the people I sought validation and worth from.
I just started loving on me. Whatever that felt like for me in the moment. From buying plants, and nurturing their growth, in hopes that I am also manifesting my own growth in watering myself.
I set boundaries for myself! If I didn't want to do something, I was going to say no.
I started listening to myself.
How did I want people to listen to me, and I wouldn't even listen to my damn self?
So your journey may look different from mines, and that's okay. First lesson in loving yourself...stop comparing. Just grow.
Until next time...
Believe in yourself!
Trust your instincts!
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Listen there is no such thing as balance, and honestly it shouldn't be in your world either! Balancing doesn't exist, it is defined (per Webster's Dictionary): as the ability to move or to remain in a position without losing control or falling, a state in which different things occur in equal or proper amounts or have an equal or proper amount of importance.
Now you are about to sit here and tell me that you can balance all of your roles without loosing control in one or more, or giving each role an equal amount of time or importance? I thought we was cool....you don't have to lie to me like that.
No seriously, I am a wife, mom, daughter, sister, friend and therapist and let me tell you, I lose all types of control when I tell myself that I need to balance. We associate balancing with having the ability to do everything perfectly, on point, and in order at all times. And the reality is, when we have that expectation we fail ourselves, because when we don't achieve the expectations that we set on balancing we begin to talk negatively to ourselves, talk down to ourselves, and feel guilty, especially US mommies!
And who has time for that! If you are anything like me when I feel overwhelmed or "all over the place", my anxiety increases, I become short-tempered, irritable, and lack focus on completing tasks! Oh and don't forget the tears! I be legit in the bed crying real tears, because I feel like I'm dropping the ball and its too much on my plate.
Sometimes though y'all, you have to get rid of some things on your plate that shouldn't be there. We have to learn to separate what "our stuff" and whats "not our stuff." My business partner says this a lot and uses it with her clients, and I have adopted it as well. Write down whats on your plate, and assess what's "your stuff" and whats "not your stuff".
Stuff that has absolutely nothing to do with you is "not your stuff", stuff that doesn't benefit you is "not your stuff".
So...instead of saying trying to balance, I've learned to simply be present in whatever role I am in, in that moment.
Wife: when I am spending quality time with my husband, I am present in that role, solely focusing on him and engaging as a wife.
Mom: my son is playing, or we take him to the park, or spend a day hanging out, I am solely focusing on my kid and being a mom.
Therapist: when I step foot in my office, and I am seeing clients, I am present in the session with my client and nothing else.
So here are a few tips to be present instead of balancing.
Knowing your Why!
Let me set the scene: I am about 4 1/2 months into this entrepreneur life, and I mean all the way in. Some stuff happened at our office, and we basically was forced to leave that space, and find a new location in a matter of days. It was all bad timing, it was in December around Christmas, we had just paid rent, and now we have to go and find another location, put down an deposit, first month rent, get the office moved over, painted, and ready to see clients again. We had to change our address on all insurance panels, and send out notices to our clients, to get them transitioned into the new building. I was just like:
I was broke. I mean I opened the bank app, and was damn near in tears. I started to stress out, I instantly opened the Indeed job app. Like....Nah big dawg mama need a J-O-B (In Craig daddy voice). I looked, and looked, I saw jobs, but could never hit apply.
I paused. And asked myself do I really want to do this? And my brain simply replied...
And in that moment, sitting in the middle of my bed, I had to revisit my "Why".
Why was I in business for myself? Why did I want to have this private practice? Why do I stay up late at night, brainstorming, developing content, and sending homework to clients? Is this my purpose? Why is me doing what I am doing right now important to my larger vision?
I closed the indeed app, prayed a quick prayer, and said my affirmations.
I got this. I am evolving. I am growing. I will trust myself. I will trust my instincts. I will forgive myself. And lastly.... I affirm, that I may not have it all together, but I have it all (check out my last post about this one)!
Knowing your why is important to your acceleration. It's like a bow and arrow...in order for the arrow to accelerate at full speed to hit it's target it has to be pulled back. You stretch the arrow back in the bow, until you can't any more and you release it!
That "pull back", is the challenges that you will face, the difficult roads you will go down, the disappointments that will fall upon you, but your WHY is the tension that you feel in the bow preparing for release, that tension stops you from pulling back so far that it breaks, instead once you feel the tension, you release and the bow accelerates at full speed to hit its target.
So if you reading this, and you are struggling with pushing through, you feel like you need to quit. You are asking yourself what's the point. Remember your WHY...and if you don't know your why, ask yourself, what made you start in the first place and explore that answer.
Need help, drop a comment, shoot me an email...and as always feel free to slide in my DM's.
The other night I was writing in my Today I Affirm journal by the lovely Alex Elle. I love her, I love affirmations, and I love my new guided journal! But the affirmation that came to me that night was:
I don't have it all together, but I have it all.
If you are anything like me, there are times where you are absolutely all over the place, you are trying to figure out your next move, maintain your health, social life, work life, family life, all while remembering to love yourself, and take care of yourself. And sometimes that ish can get completely out of hand!
But I am here to tell you...No matter how you feel, you have all the necessary tools within you. You just have to activate them! Level up if you will. There is a light that is flickering waiting to turn into a full blown blaze. Its just up to you to discover who you are. And put the pieces of your puzzle together. One way to put the pieces together is to get rid of the pieces that you no longer need!
A lot of times, we try to make things fit, that don't even belong in the puzzle. And we waste our time on those pieces, when what we truly need to do is clean house, remove toxic relationships, toxic people, toxic behaviors, toxic thinking, and toxic energy! Throw that all out!
So how you say? No worries, ya homegirl got you!
So this is what I call a LIFE Evaluation:
Drop a comment. Shoot me an email. Slllllllliiiiddddeeeee Into my DM's! See you around on the internets!
There I was minding my business, laying in bed, being nosy on the gram and boom....this tweet was posted on my time line, by Divorce Court Judge Lynn Toler! See, I watch her sometimes, I love court shows, don't get me started on People's Court, Judge Judy, and Hot Bench. Random: when I was younger I did not like Judge Judy, I thought she was mean as hell, but Chile at almost 32 years old, I get it! She don't have time for the nonsense...but I digress.
So I read that tweet, and it just resonated with me. I mean, I was the person who felt like everything needed to be perfect in order for me to move. And I am learning now, especially as a full time entrepreneur, sometimes we can't wait until everything is "perfect"...because guess what, perfection really doesn't exist! So we sometimes have to gather up ALL we have, with some faith, and GO...FOR...IT!
I have had a dream to write a book since I was a teenager, matter of fact, I have written multiple chapters of different book ideas and never completed them. I have always been an avid readers, books make me super happy. Want to make me smile, take me to a book store!
But reading that tweet, its like girl just start! I don't know what I am waiting on, subconsciously I think I am waiting for life to become a little "smoother", I keep telling myself, once "this" gets in order, once I finish doing "this", then I will write the book. Truth is, its an excuse, and the timing may never be right. So guess what, I gotta gather what I got and MAKE A RUN FOR IT!
I've learned this:
You will fail, it will happen to you eventually, but that fear shouldn't keep you from going for your dreams. You have to take the risk! Because if you never try, you never jump, you never go for it, you will never know if you will succeed. And I am here to tell you...that's not life.
There is no living in, constantly being fearful of failure, waiting until things are perfect, and not going for it. Growing up, especially in the African American community we were raised to be extremely cautious. almost to a fault. So that seed that was planted we gotta take up from the root! Because the influencers, role models, authors, and people we look up too, guess what...THEY WENT FOR IT!
So here's what I am challenging you to do;
Whatever you have been wanting to do and have been making excuses as why you can't: START! Starting could be researching similar businesses, creating a plan, a blue print if you will. Reaching out to influencers in the field that you are interested in and ask questions, seek mentorship, network and be connected.
I just want you to start. I tell my clients all the time: START BY STARTING. That's it. You may not get it right the first time, but that doesn't mean stop. That just means, you have to take a different route.
YOU have purpose in life, you were designed and created for a reason, you just have to figure out what that is. If you are unsure ask yourself these questions:
What am I passionate about?
What am I good at?
What do I get excited about?
What's something I could see myself doing every single day?
What qualities do others see in me?
What does my heart tell me?
What does the little voice in the back of my head, keep pushing me towards?
If you are anything like me, something that keeps pulling at me, it is constantly in the back of my mind, it will not let me forget, is usually a sign that until I do it, it will always bother me, and for me, it has always led me closer to what I believe my purpose is.
So...whose making a run for it all 2019! This is the year of Yes (in my Shonda Rhymes voice), the year of going for it, the year of being clear and intentional with our decisions, our goals, and who we are!
So whose with me! Drop a comment! Shoot me an email. Slide in my DM's! See you around on the internets!
I’ve worked a number of people, who find themselves in stressful situations, or engaged in toxic relationships and are struggling with how to deal. And one of the things that seemed apparent to me in all of those situations was a very clear lack of boundaries. I can recall one of them saying, ”no seriously what are boundaries, like do they really exist?” My response, “yes, let me teach you.”
Boundaries: (per psychology today)limits we set with other people, which indicate what we find as acceptable and unacceptable in their behavior towards you.
As you grow and develop a strong sense of self, you begin to develop boundaries. With a strong sense of self, you are aware of what you are willing to deal with and what you refuse to deal with. If you are like me, when I hit you with a “see what I’m not gone do is…” or “what he aint gone do is…and yes I said aint!” Typically, what follows is a set up for a behavior or statement that I refuse to allow someone to get away with.
Boundaries are needed because they allow you to be your true self. It’s considered a form of self-care and self-preservation, and it creates safety which helps keep out things that make you feel uncomfortable or unsafe, physically, mentally and emotionally.
Typically, most people don’t set boundaries because they have a fear of what others think, they assume that the other persons feelings will be hurt, or they will become angry. You may also want to avoid conflict so you take on this “go with the flow”, demeanor. And lets be honest, after doing all of that, you find yourself depressed, mad, sad, frustrated, and flat out feeling taken advantage of.
That is why boundaries are important and key to your overall wellbeing and happiness. So wondering where to start,
Here are 4 quick tips on developing personal boundaries:
Lets chat! Comment, Email, or DM me if you have questions!
I look forward to hearing from you!