Dear Diary: I HAVE MOMMY GUILT
So, you are either working…all the time, in school…all the time…or out here following your dreams and aspirations, and are exhausted if not half the time….all of the time. Yeap. That sounds like my life.
I work 3 jobs, I work a full time job at a substance abuse clinic from 5am-1pm, I also have a part time job, completing intakes for a company that provides counseling, case management, and behavioral services for youth, and I also have my own business as co-owner of my private practice and have a caseload providing private practice services to adolescents, adults, and couples. So a typical day for me is, getting up at 3:20 am, to leave my house by 4am, to drive a hour to work, after I leave at 1pm, I head to my part time office to complete intakes, and depending on what’s schedule I may leave there and see private practice clients. So typically my days are about 10-15 hrs long depending on my schedule. Insert le sigh. Lets not forget the work that has to be done outside of the office, writing notes, typing up the intakes, creating treatment plans, and filing confusing insurance claims!
That’s just work, I also am a wife and a mother to a 2 year old rambunctious, independent, tantrum having, cookie eating, juice drinking, kindle watching, daddy loving BOY. So your Homegirl is usually EXHAUSTED!
I started to notice that I felt like I wasn’t spending enough time with my kid. I mean when I had some down time, I wanted to do absolutely nothing! Towards the end of the week, I am running on fumes. Let’s not forget I have a husband that needs to feel loved, needs his wife, and a kid that needs his mommy. And here mommy is out here working multiple jobs, chasing her dream, and finding myself on the brink of tears (more often than not), when my son prefers to go with his daddy, than to stay with me.
I find myself being irritated when I get home, and when you have a crying 2 year old who begs for juice, and you pour him juice, and he stands and folds his arms as if he did NOT just pull you off the couch, walk to the fridge, point at the apple juice, watch you pour it in his cup, and then you attempt to hand it to him and he has a tantrum as if you were just trying to poison him.
Anywhoo…I feel like our bond is dwindling, I feel like I am missing opportunities to develop a solid mommy and son relationship. On top of having to hear underhanded comments from family members who jokingly, question why I work so much, or that my son needs his mommy. All those things weigh me down, and just create this negative internal dialogue about what I am doing and how I am as a mother.
So, this is how I get through my mommy guilt episodes.
Listen mommies, your babies love you, I promise you that. But in moments of doubt, negative self-talk, and hurt. Just remember you are doing fine, and it is okay. Keep following dreams and kissing boo-boos, and if you need someone to talk to, use a trusted friend, or even a therapist! YOU GOT THIS!
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