Dear Diary: What the hell are boundaries?

I’ve worked a number of people, who find themselves in stressful situations, or engaged in toxic relationships and are struggling with how to deal. And one of the things that seemed apparent to me in all of those situations was a very clear lack of boundaries. I can recall one of them saying, ”no seriously what are boundaries, like do they really exist?” My response, “yes, let me teach you.”

Boundaries: (per psychology today)limits we set with other people, which indicate what we find as acceptable and unacceptable in their behavior towards you. 
 
As you grow and develop a strong sense of self, you begin to develop boundaries. With a strong sense of self, you are aware of what you are willing to deal with and what you refuse to deal with.  If you are like me, when I hit you with a “see what I’m not gone do is…” or “what he aint gone do is…and yes I said aint!” Typically, what follows is a set up for a behavior or statement that I refuse to allow someone to get away with.

​Boundaries are needed because they allow you to be your true self. It’s considered a form of self-care and self-preservation, and it creates safety which helps keep out things that make you feel uncomfortable or unsafe, physically, mentally and emotionally. 
Typically, most people don’t set boundaries because they have a fear of what others think, they assume that the other persons feelings will be hurt, or they will become angry. You may also want to avoid conflict so you take on this “go with the flow”, demeanor. And lets be honest, after doing all of that, you find yourself depressed, mad, sad, frustrated, and flat out feeling taken advantage of. 

​That is why boundaries are important and key to your overall wellbeing and happiness. So wondering where to start,
Here are 4 quick tips on developing personal boundaries:

1. Get clear on your priorities and personal values.
2. Clearly communicate what you will and will not tolerate
3. Do things that make you happy and are aligned with your personal values
4. Be direct and firm with your answer/decisions regarding your boundaries. 

Now listen, it won’t come easy, it will be difficult, and even scary. But in this instance, practice does make perfect. 

Lets chat! Comment, Email, or DM me if you have questions! 
I look forward to hearing from you!