What balance?

Listen there is no such thing as balance, and honestly it shouldn't be in your world either! Balancing doesn't exist, it is defined (per Webster's Dictionary): as the ability to move or to remain in a position without losing control or falling, a state in which different things occur in equal or proper amounts or have an equal or proper amount of importance.

Now you are about to sit here and tell me that you can balance all of your roles without loosing control in one or more, or giving each role an equal amount of time or importance? I thought we was cool....you don't have to lie to me like that. 

No seriously, I am a wife, mom, daughter, sister, friend and therapist and let me tell you, I lose all types of control when I tell myself that I need to balance. We associate balancing with having the ability to do everything perfectly, on point, and in order at all times. And the reality is, when we have that expectation we fail ourselves, because when we don't achieve the expectations that we set on balancing we begin to talk negatively to ourselves, talk down to ourselves, and feel guilty, especially US mommies!

And who has time for that! If you are anything like me when I feel overwhelmed or "all over the place", my anxiety increases, I become short-tempered, irritable, and lack focus on completing tasks! Oh and don't forget the tears! I be legit in the bed crying real tears, because I feel like I'm dropping the ball and its too much on my plate. 

Sometimes though y'all, you have to get rid of some things on your plate that shouldn't be there. We have to learn to separate what "our stuff" and whats "not our stuff." My business partner says this a lot and uses it with her clients, and I have adopted it as well. Write down whats on your plate, and assess what's "your stuff" and whats "not your stuff". 
Stuff that has absolutely nothing to do with you is "not your stuff", stuff that doesn't benefit you is "not your stuff". 

So...instead of saying trying to balance, I've learned to simply be present in whatever role I am in, in that moment. 
Wife: when I am spending quality time with my husband, I am present in that role, solely focusing on him and engaging as a wife.
Mom: my son is playing, or we take him to the park, or spend a day hanging out, I am solely focusing on my kid and being a mom. 
Therapist: when I step foot in my office, and I am seeing clients, I am present in the session with my client and nothing else. 

So here are a few tips to be present instead of balancing.

• Whatever role you are required to be in that moment, solely focus on being that role. If Friday night is date night with the spouse/partner then focus on being in that role. Be present in that moment of quality time and intimate conversation.
• While in the required role, put away your phone! I mean completely away, if it can be in another room...then do that! When we are connected to our phone, it distracts us and takes away from being in that moment at that time. 
• Evaluate your plate, what's on it thats your's and what's on it that can be removed. Sometimes we have stuff on our plate that we are trying to "balance" that don't even belong to us. Say this to yourself, "that's not my stuff."
• Take "balancing" out of your vocabulary, it's not a realistic word and honestly, to me concept. Just because you can't give a 100% to everything at the same time, you may try, but something somewhere is feeling neglected, overlooked, or the ball has been dropped.